Subject Re: [IBO] List Etiquette question
Author Jason Wharton
> I am a little new to this kind of a mailing list.
> I have a question on Etiquette.

What you learn on this list very likely won't apply well to other lists.

> When I get a reply
> 1. Should I say thanks on the list
> 2. Say thanks off the list
> 3. Not say anything.

I don't think anyone here is trying to get strokes to their ego so thanks of
any kind are not really necessary. I'd prefer that they be considered
optional. That isn't to say they wouldn't be appreciated or that they are

> Obviously I am truly grateful to everybody who helps me on this list.

I think that is generally understood.

> On Such a high volume list I find it very irritating to have to delete
lots of mails saying thanks.

That is my feeling too, if that is all it says.

> Could somebody please advise me on this.

My advice is, gratitude is best conveyed in the quality and demeanor in
which you associate common everyday interactions in. In this list
environment people sense appreciation more from people's willingness to be
clear, thorough yet concise, to the point and coming from a position of
having given due diligence to find their own solution. If you are not doing
these things then there really isn't gratitude in your heart for what is
going on here because you are taking advantage of it, regardless if you
render a token "thanks" or not.

If I may rant a bit...

Words can really be quite shallow. A case I tire of seeing is people in a
panic where in desperation they submit some of the most ill prepared
requests for help that I have ever seen. It is also ironic that in this
situation people are very unlikely to want to cooperate to provide more
information or take a little time to do some exploratory research to find
the essence of a problem. But, they have their emphatic token "thanks"
blasting out, which can quickly turn against you too.

In short, this is the irony of token gratitude for that is when the words
seem to be the highest in gratitude (for they are in great need) and their
actions the most void of gratitude. It's probably no wonder there was only
one of the ten healed lepers who turned back out of their way to show action
in their expression of gratitude to the master who healed them. We all have
lessons to learn here, at least one I'm recently gaining some insights into

I find great pleasure answering a well prepared and obviously researched
request. I'm drudged to answer requests which are hyped, void of context,
sappy, too drawn out, too conglomerated with issues, wanting me to write a
book, and so on. But, we do our best to answer all requests because the
bottom line is to help people succeed with their development while remaining
content to let their personal insights to life be found in more private and
personal settings...

My point is, lets show gratitude for what is going on here by contributing
to the quality of it through our demeanor and willingness to raise the bar
on the quality of information we present. "Thanks" really shouldn't need to
be said, it should be sensed from actions. Thus, burdens would spread out
more evenly and all of our loads would be lightened.

Jason Wharton
CPS - Mesa AZ