I could really do with triggers on selects passsing in the select statement
as an argument. This would obviously look more like a SP. I need this for
two reasons. To performance tune a large database, knowing what people are
doing and how frequently they are doing it is a great bonus.

In addition it could be a very useful anti-hack mechanism.

I have audit code in my Delphi applications, but I can't tell if someone is
logging on using another tool and running DML.

Additional wishes would be:
1) Triggers on Login / logout
2) IP / MC name address information about currently logged on people
3) SP to say how much disk space is left on: temp drive, db drive.

Any thougths...

JAC.